Written by Matt Marchant
How well do New Year’s Resolutions work? According to some research 88% of all New Year’s resolutions fail to happen.
Why is that? Is it that we have failed to make intelligent resolutions, or is it that resolutions have failed our intuition? I would be willing to bet, that when we use our intellect, a New Year’s Resolution makes sense, yet when we use our intuition, that same resolution feels less than authentic. How do you feel about the making of a resolution? Here is what I think:
A resolution is an external declaration that we are going to change.
A revolution is an internal discovery of why we won’t change.
A resolution focuses on external behavior.
A revolution focuses on internal beliefs.
A resolution is easy to do. (50% of all Americans set New Year’s Resolutions)
A revolution is much harder to do. (What percentage of people are willing to challenge their beliefs?)
What is a New Year’s Revolution?
A revolution is defined as an “overthrow of the existing authority”. Who has the authority over your beliefs? Why do you belief what you do? What part of you would be threatened by questioning your belief or value system?
Find that answer, and you have found the creator of your beliefs. Another description of this belief system source could be in calling it our Inner Saboteur. Our Inner Saboteur has created a system of beliefs in order to serve it, meaning to make it feel in control and important. Our Inner Saboteur is often at odds with what we say we want to do with your life.
A New Year’s Revolution starts by exposing the Inner Saboteur responsible for our failed goals.
A revolution is also defined as the ability to “travel around another object”. Much like the earth revolves around the sun. What do we need to travel around? what might we need a better observation of? What needs to happen if we decide to make this revolution?
The first answer has already been discovered - we need to find and then travel around, observing our Inner Saboteur. What we may need to do next, is to ask questions. If there is one thing a secretive saboteur does not like, its questions. A question asked of a belief, is like a flashlight turned on in a cave: you can see much better where you want to go, yet you may be stirring up a family of bats.
A New Year’s Revolution continues by asking the important questions of the Inner Saboteur.
What does it sabotage in my life?
Why does it feel the need to sabotage my life?
What part of me is the Inner Saboteur?
How do I benefit from my own sabotage?
When would I like to discover more about this?
What question would I ask myself next?
So, a New Year’s Revolution is...
1. Looking at our internal beliefs rather than forcing external behavior.
2. Asking ourselves questions as to why we believe what we do, rather than remaining silent and indifferent.
The Paradox of the New Year’s Revolution,
If the following has made sense, please proceed, if not, you may want to stop reading. Paradoxes may confuse us more if we are not ready.
First, A Revolution is about Surrendering.
What kind or revolution is brought about by surrender? That doesn’t sound right, and of course it does not if we look at this revolution like we would a political/social revolution. But this is an inner revolution, and in this we might want to surrender to:
That which is wiser than us.
That which has more humility than us.
That which is compassionate.
What exactly are we to surrender to?
That will most likely be different for each one of us. To give you a clue, I would invite you to consider that first, there are different parts within you, and second, there are different parts outside of you.
The Parts Within You
The part that is trying to sabotage your success, we will call your Inner Saboteur, as previously mentioned, but that is not all the inner parts that represent you. What if you found out that there are other parts within you, wiser, more humble, and much more compassionate than the part sabotaging you?
Here is a list of possible parts within you, that at any time can be “in charge” of what you believe and thus how you will behave:
Inner Saboteur: represented as, The Victim, The Punisher, The Rescuer, The Prostitute, or The Terrorist.
Inner Child: represented as what you experienced your childhood to be like, having both Light side and Shadow side aspects.
(Light and Shadow side aspects, in their most basic description mean the seemingly positive and negative aspects we have at the same time. Like having two sides to the same coin - you cannot escape from having them both, some times one side will show up over the other).
Fatherly Figure: represented as what you experienced your father/fatherly figure to be like, having both Light side and Shadow side aspects.
Motherly Figure: represented as what you experienced your mother/motherly figure to be like, having both Light side and Shadow side aspects.
All of these parts exist within us at the same time, yet only a few or one may be in control of our beliefs and behavior. Some represent Light/postive aspects, and some represent Shaod/negative aspects. Neither are good nor bad, but some may be more optimal than others in fulfilling our desires. Out of all of these parts that may be in the “driver’s seat” expressing themselves through you, which of those parts may have more wisdom, humility, and compassion than the part that is sabotaging you?
Surrender is learning to acknowledge our sabotaging parts, accept our wiser parts, and appreciate the lesson hidden within. This process is not easily described though words - it is sometimes known as Re-Parenting our Parts. I find it best applied in the presence of a wise, humble, and compassionate coach.
This Inner Surrender does not happen by force or will, but by acknowledgment and acceptance.
The Parts Outside of You
What is your story about your creation? You have one whether you know it or not? Some have the story the story passed down to them from religion. Some have he story that modern scinece is writing. Others may have no story, meaning they are not sure what to believe, and that is a story itself. In the end, it is all a story, some just may be more believable than others.
If your story involves something greater than self creating self, is it possible that “That Which is Greater” than you, is wiser, carries more humility, and has much more compassion than you can fathom? If you are willing to consider that it “is possible”, are you willing to consider that you are a part of “That Which is Greater”?
Perhaps we can change our story about our creation. Its just a story after all, and we will all have one. So, why not take the pencil, use the eraser if needed, and edit our story. Here’s mine:
There is something that exists which is much greater than me. “It” is wiser, has more humility and compassion, and best of all in my story, I am a part of “It”. From “It”, I have been created. I have access to parts of that wisdom, humility and compassion, and “It”, in “It’s” wisdom and humility, is able to be compassionate with me. “It” is the source of unconditional acceptance, something I, in human form, am unable to express. I am most likely unable to comprehend “It” fully, in my present state of having an ego, which is most likely threatened by “It”. If I were asked to give "It" a name it would be "The Source of Unconditional Acceptance".
To surrender to this part outside of me, the “That Which is Greater”, is to accept that there may be a purpose for my existence. This "higher purpose" may be quite different than the purpose my inner parts want to write for me, yet this purpose comes from all wisdom and is expressed with all compassion. Whatever I ultimately decide to do, it is my story that I will be unconditionally accepted. How might that story sound to you?
If you are having trouble accepting this as a possibility, please note, I have only asked you to consider whether this is possible or not, not whether this is probable or not. To ask if something is a possibility is to disengage the ego, to ask whether something is probable is to indulge the ego. Possibility is infinite, probability is finite. That which is finite fears that which is infinite.
Second, A Revolution for Change, is not concerned with Change.
Why is it, that when we seek to change ourselves we do not, yet when we accept ourselves, change then just happens? So it is - Life cannot be forced to change. Might that be true from your experience?
When we concern ourselves with the destination of change we are missing the journey of change. There is quite enough to change in life, so much so, that you cannot possibly live long enough to change it all, not even a fraction. So then should we give up changing? Maybe, maybe not, or maybe we can change or expectations surrounding change.
Stop expecting change, start experiencing life.
The theme to these paradoxical points to the New Year’s Resolution settle into this thought: We may need to learn to let go.
Let go of what?
What Letting Go is not:
Letting go is not indifference. Indifference says, “I’m letting go because I do not care.” Indifference says, “I’m letting go because I have to.”
Letting go is surrender. Surrender says, “I’m letting go because I care deeply.” Surrender says, “I’m letting go because I choose to.”
So there it is, my experience of the difference in making a New Year’s Resolution, and making a New Year’s Revolution.
Are you ready to do the same thing as last year, or are you ready to try something different?
If there is anything I can assist you with, please contact me for a One-on-One coaching session, or look into signing up for one of my seminars on Self Sabotage. I can be contacted at (714) 342-0359 or firstname.lastname@example.org
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